Invention Defects Gone Worse!
by Lenna the Fallen One
Summary: An SO3 fic. Chapter 3 Part 2 is up and rated because of Clair X Welch. Don't worry it's nothing like that! Yet it's the wierdest chapter I ever wrote!
1. Chapter 1

Invention Defects (Dun Dun Dun)

_Okay this is my first Star Ocean ficcy so be nice people. It's been awhile since I last put an entry in so I hope this one will be a success upon my return!_

_I hope you all enjoy!_

"Rubber ducky, you're the one . . . rubber ducky, we're having some fun . . ." Watching the small rubber device float around in the tub sparked some excitement in Welch's face. The blonde, ditzy girl giggled in glee as she saw the duck float around in the tub, slowy moving in circles. Every moment brought more and more joy in her youthful eyes.

"Hey you sexy beast, don't you like takin' a bath with me?" She picked up the ducky and kissed its lips lovingly, then placed it back in the water. To her, the duck seemed so happy to be in the tub with her. Unfortunately, she was too happy with the duck to notice anything different with the bathroom.

"Quack quack," The duck floated around, making its cute little noise. Welch was so happy with that duck. It all seemed to be a blissful dream. Until that moment . . .

"Come here ducky . . ." Welch beamed as the ducky continued to float in the water in front of her, not at all moving. All it did was quack . . . every moment . . .beginning to scare the poor girl.

"Ducky . . .?" Welch looked at the duck with curiosity, as well as a little fear. It continued to quack, never ending, until it happened . . .

Slowly the ducky head turned, all 180 degrees, with a sinister look on its face. It beheld little duck horns, with flames starting to rise from its body. Its quacks slowly changed to evil quacking laughs such as, "MUAH QUAH QUAH QUAH!"

Welch began to scream as a ticking sound began to initiate, ticking faster as her screams became louder. Trying to escape the bathroom, she hopped up and scrambled, still screaming. Unfortunately . . . TICK TICK TICK . . .

BOOM!

A little child pointed to an explosion a few miles away from the vendor her parents were shopping at. It resembled a nuclear explosion, consisting of pretty cerulean and crimson lights.

"Look mommy, pretty lights!" The girl tugged on the hem of her mother's dress . . .

Flipping open a communicator, a charcoaled looking person spoke into it, seeming extremely angry.

"You . . . will . . . die . . . Fayt . . ."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: A Leaping Titan's Cider Too Much

_Yeah, the second chapter is in! Sorry it took so long people, I had a lot of personal problems to deal with. It may not be as funny as the last chapter, but the next will be better. Trust me! I hope you all enjoy._

"Hmm . . ." Welch looked at the list of patented items as she yawned sleepily. It's been a rough night, throwing up and at the same time filling in six inches of paperwork. If fact, people should try that. Do they know how hard it is not to puke on paperwork?

She felt better this morning, but that didn't help the fact she was ALL better. All these inventors calling up on the communicator and asking for stupid little favors didn't help either. In fact, the worst call she had today was from a pip-squeak sounding, short, Italian man.

"Hi!" Welch began her usual opening statement.

"Would you like some cheese?"

"Huh? Um . . . no, not that I know of . . ."

"Would you like a Hummer?"

"What's a Hummer?"

"Do you like cheese?"

"ARGH! YOU DIDN'T ANSWER MY LAST QUESTION!"

"Would you like a Hummer?"

"WHAT IS A HUMMER, YOU ANNOYING F!"

"Would you like cheese with that chocolate milkshake?"

"AHHHHHH!" Welch screamed into the camera, grabbed a metal pipe that appeared on her desk, and began bashing the poor thing into oblivion. Temples throbbing, she sighed at the little pile of junk she just invented. This was just too much . . .

After sitting for an hour rubbing at her temples, Welch decided to pay a visit to the nearby pub. Standing tall and wobbly, she stumbled out the door and limped to the pub at the other end of Paterny. Hair a rat's nest, skin a ghostly pale, clothes shaggy . . . many people gave curious glances toward her, but it didn't matter. She needed to get to that pub . . . and fast.

Looking in the face of the middle age bartender, Welch stumbled to the counter. The bartended laughed to himself at the sight of the girl, thinking she was already drunk.

"Hey lil' missy, would you like a glass of milk?" Welch spat in disgust. She hated that. Hated being young, hated being underestimated. Just because she was small didn't mean she couldn't tolerate alcoholic drink, right?

Giving a nasty sneer, she grabbed the bartender's collar and spoke in a low, threatening voice, her face uncomfortably close to his.

"Alright barkeep, gimme the hardest stuff you have . . ." Her eyes flared as she growled lowly. The bartender, sweating bullets by now, spoke with a cracked and worried tone.

"Uh . . . uh . . . w-well . . . w-we have L-leaping T-titan's . . . C-c-cider . . . it w-was . . . just . . . i-invented . . . though . . . by F-Fayt . . ."

"Fine, gimme six quarts."

"But missy . . ."

"SIX QUARTS!" The young woman let go of the man's collar and shoved him back, walking to a table, waiting for her drinks. Sadly, the barkeeper did not know what was coming.

_A quart of Leaping Titan's Cider later . . ._

"Hic! This stuff is great!" Swaying slightly, Welch looked around the bar in her blurred condition until her eye caught a certain slightly over-weight body. Unfortunately, the body was the one delivering the drinks.

"Hey! Another one please! And make it snappy!" Welch somehow held a death glare that could pierce anything just as well as a knife as she spoke to the poor bartender.

"Y-yeah sure . . . but . . ."

"NOW!" Welch's fist shook the table as she struck it in a powerful, yet clumsy, way, in an attempt to scare the now chibi creature.

"Y-yes m-m-ma'am." The bartender desperately wished to tell her that a body could get drunk off the second drink, but there wasn't any use in fighting with an insane woman who could get drunk off the first.

_3 Quarts of Leaping Titan's Cider Later . . . _

"You . . . are . . . SO BEAUTIFUL . . . TO ME . . . HIC!" Welch began to sing in a slurred tone, attempting to wink at the bartender. Unfortunately, those winks were just another version of compulsive, involuntary eye twitches.

"Missy . . ." The bar tender gave a worried glare towards Welch, wondering if she'd make it through another quart.

"CAN'T YOU SEEEEEEEEE!" The sound of Welch's shrill voice, caused blood to trickle out of the barkeep's ears as he screamed in pain. In fact, you can tell the barkeep would be the perfect zombie for one of the Resident Evil games at this moment.

"STOP!" The bartender screamed over the singing voice. Welch suddenly froze, immediately giving loving, ogling eyes towards the poor, unfortunate man. The barkeeper, noticing her gaze, began to sweat bullets once again as he backed up into the corner of the room.

"Hey . . . u-um . . . want another drink?"

"Oh yea sexy boy, I sure do wanta drinky. Want to have a drinky with me, baby?" Gulping the sixth cider, she hiccupped.

"Um . . . maybe . . . missy you had too many drinks." With a seductive look young Welchy rose from her chair, stumbled onto the table, wobbled to her feet, and made a great drunken leap from the table.

"HIC! GIMME SOME SUGAH! HERE COMES WELCHY!" Soaring in the air laughing like a maniacal, crazed monkey addicted to coffee beans and her lips puckered like a duck bill, Welch flew towards her target like the "angel" she was. Sadly the barkeeper was too scared to move, for he was paralyzed with the greatest foe to ever stop him besides Welch . . . fear of Welch's kisses.

"YAAAAAH!" Welch gave her kissy kissy battle cry as her target was within reach. It was all over for the poor man . . . he should've given her a Shirley Temple . . . but now nothing could stop Welch! It was all over . . . there was no escape . . . good bye Mr. Barkeep!

. . . WHAM!

Welch flew straight into the counter with a sickening crunch as she sunk to floor with a small "squee" sound. Poor Welch . . . apparently her desperate lunge was cut off a little short.

The barkeep, snapped out of paralysis, looked to the face-bashed girl and sighed with relief. Suddenly, he began to laugh maniacally, singing softly to himself, twitching in little convulsive twitches.

"Ding, dong the crazy bitch is dead!" Oddly enough, as he sang the unusual parody of "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead," he dialed the emergency number to ask for an ambulance.

Three hours have passed. Three . . . very . . . long . . . hours. A pair of blue eyes opened slowly to the bright light as the figure found herself in a bed.

"W-where . . . am I? My nose . . . feels weird . . ." Welch looked around the room to find a smiling doctor walk in.

"Hey, little miss! You look much better!" The doctor took out his pen as he walked over to the girl and began writing information onto a piece of paper clipped to a clipboard.

"My nose doesn't though . . ."

"Here . . . maybe this might help," The doctor handed her a mirror to show what he meant. Unfortunately . . .

"AHHHHH! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY NOSE?" Welch looked at the mirror to find herself wearing a permanent, yellow chicken beak.

"Well, we kinda . . . err . . . well . . . when you were drunk and flew into the counter, as the bartender told me; you broke your nose in every place possible. So we had a replacement."

"BUT WHY A CHICKEN BEAK?"

"Well . . . Fayt called up earlier to see if you were okay and sent us a notice that you loved chickens. He also said you always wanted a chicken beak."

Anger built up inside Welch that moment. Pure fury . . . no . . . pure, raw rage. What was Fayt trying to do her? Kill her? Make her a freak? What? Well . . . not anymore. She won't let this happen. It is time . . . it is time for that moment . . .

"FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYT!"

Well . . . after screaming.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Aphrodite: The Goddess of Love!

_Sorry it took so long to update, but I'm only going to post half of this up because it should be read in short parts. It could be funny, but then again it couldn't . . . Oh well read and review please!_

"Hahahaha . . ." Ever since Welch had returned from the hospital (after having her beak removed in the most painful way imaginable), she had this hate. Not this normal, everyday I'm-gonna-kill-you-but-you'll-be-my-best-friend-tomorrow kind of deal, but the persistent rage which allowed her to ANNIHILATE the one target the young woman had on her mind.

"Um . . . excuse me . . ." Welch looked from her book entitled, "101 Ways to Claim Vengeance on a Blue-Haired Idiot Who Has the Destruction Gene," and looked towards the speaker who had disturbed her at the wrong moment. Sighing, she looked towards the delivery boy.

"What do you have for me now, Laksaim?"

'_Laksaim . . . ha, what a funny name,'_ she thought as she glanced at the young man who held a package before her. It was probably another patented item for her to look over. Something she could look into AFTER she dances on Fayt's grave.

"Um . . . well Miss Welch, it's from Fayt."

_'What? Damn Fayt! Should I trust the package . . .? Maybe he'll tell me what it is this time . . .' _Welch's thoughts wandered back and forth, wondering about the consequences of opening the package. Would she be charcoaled? Would she end up with a duck bill? Well . . . let's just pray for the best.

"Okay . . . hand it over . . ." Sighing, Welch took the package from the boy and reached into her pocket for a pen. Humming to herself, she wrote on the clipboard the information that was needed and had thrust it back towards the boy.

"Okay you can leave." Welch looked towards the boy in an impatient mood as the boy just stood there with a hungry look.

"Shouldn't I have a tip?" Bad move kid . . . bad move.

"NO! GET THE HELL OUT NOW!" Welch yelled out in annoyance as she picked up the boy (surprisingly the boy was 5'5" and 137 pounds) and threw him clean out the guild registration door. Smoothing her clothes with her powerful, small hands, she walked back to the desk and stared at the package as the boy shouted from the streets.

"JUST YOU WAIT MISSY! I'LL HAVE YOU REPORTED BY THE END OF THIS WEEK!"

"Whatever . . ." Welch continued to stare at the package, gently drawing her fingers across it with one hand as her other hand rested below her chin.

"Fayt . . . Fayt . . . Fayt . . . how you think you can trick me . . . I'll get to you yet . . ." Welch muttered to herself as she reached inside her drawer for a pair of scissors. Slowly she removed her chin from her left hand to provide support for the right hand. Piercing the tape with the scissors, Welch kept the scissors in a straight line with her left hand as she sliced through the sticky substance with her right. Once she was done, she flung the scissors aside.

"OW! MY EYE!"

_'Great . . . I killed the old man . . . now I have to run the stupid guild?' _The young woman looked to the guild master, who had blood pouring in one eye as well as being unconscious. Welch just shrugged and looked back to the package. Slowly she placed her hands under the folds of the box and lifted them open, turning her head away, praying an explosive wouldn't take it off. Taking a deep breath she turned her head to the box and saw . . .

"AAAAHHH!"

Welch screamed as she jumped up and ran to the coffee pot that was roasting over the fire. The brew splattered onto the floor as Welch rushed to save what coffee she had left. Unfortunately, once she took the coffee off the fire, there was only enough for a sixteenth of a cup.

"Aw . . . that is so not cool . . ." She placed what was left into a cup and slowly sipped it in very slow . . . sips. As she ran her lips over the mug, she removed the object from the box, looking at it with intense curiosity. It was in a vial, so strange, beholding such an odd color. It was, well, pink! Plastered onto the vial was a note, most likely sent by Fayt. Carefully she read the note.

_'Hey Welch, the contents inside is called Aphrodite potion. No joke. I'm sorry for the inconvenience of the other devices.'_

_Fayt_

"Well, at least he was sorry. But why didn't he tell me what the Aphrodite potion does?" She mumbled as she played with the vial. She knew nothing could hurt her now. Yet she had no knowledge of Greek mythology and who Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love, was.

She opened her mouth wide in a great yawn as she looked at the vial filled with the strange liquid, and in deep thought stretched herself into the chair. She was incredibly tired and had nothing better to do, so why not take the chance to spend a few minutes snoozing?

Welch laid the potion near her coffee cup and pot, with the pot once again brewing a new batch. Soon she found herself thinking about her shoes and how . . . dressy they not were . . . and . . . why tulips grew . . . in the ground . . . and . . . later fell into a deep sleep. During her sleep . . .

_Knock knock! _

A knocking emitted from the door as someone yelled Welch's name, but not loud enough for the sleeping Welchy to notice.

"Welch! This is Clair Lasbard! Please open the door!" Knock. Knock. Knock. This went on for at least ten minutes before Clair had Tynave and Farleen, her two favorite spies, "easily" opened the door. Easily as in bashed into ten-thousand tiny splinters, but at least they went through the door.

"Welch? What are you do . . ." Before Clair could ever finish her sentence; Farleen clapped a hand over her mouth and pointed towards the tired Welch. Clair muttered, "Oh," as the other two girls looked around.

"Come on you girls, let's look for that item I accidentally sent," Clair whispered to the two girls.

"What was it?"

"You remember that exploding thong?" Clair blushed a little as she found herself saying 'thong'.

"Oh," They both said in unison. The three of them then began to look for the exploding thong, hoping to find it fast. They rummaged through the entire guild, finding many absurd items such as pickled sea squirt and cute little homunculi, but not the exploding thong. Rushing for about three hours certainly tired them for the moment, so they decided to take a rest break. Sitting upon crates of new inventions the trio looked at each with hopeless glances.

"We won't ever find that invention . . ." Clair hung her head as she stared towards the floor. The other two women attempted to cheer her up.

"Oh, it'll be alright Clair, we'll find it by the end of the day . . ." Farleen piped.

"Yeah, we'll find it and we can discard it before someone ends up hurt," Tynave chipped in.

"Maybe some coffee might help . . . I'm sure Welch won't mind . . ." Clair took the coffee pot from the fire and grabbed a mug on Welch's desk and poured herself a cup of coffee. Unfortunately, she never liked coffee without cream . . .

"Hey you two . . . where's the cream?" Clair asked the two women in hopes they would know.

"How are we supposed to know? We don't own this place," Tynave kicked her legs against the crate in restlessness, waiting for an answer from Clair.

"Well . . . oh! Maybe this is the cream!" Clair took the vial of Aphrodite potion and opened it. Sadly, they did not know what that was and they were in for a hell of a time.

Clair poured half of the potion into the mug, reached for a spoon, and stirred the potion with the coffee. As she stirred, little sparks and flames shot up as a warning to not drink it.

"Hm, wonder why it's so fizzy? Maybe it's a new type of cream . . ." Clair began to drink the coffee in large gulps and then set the cup down. As she placed the mug at Welch's desk, she took a glance at the girl and immediately found herself stupefied. Welch's beauty, her smile, the way she slept . . . she was the perfect person for Clair . . . and now she just realized that . . .

"Hey, what's wrong Clair? You look like you seen the love of your life," Farleen stared at Clair in a confused state as Tynave soon joined in.

"I just have . . . the love of my life has been in front of me the whole time . . ." Clair continued to stare at well as she left the two girls dumbfounded.

"Uh . . ."

_To be continued . . ._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Aphrodite Potion Continued in the Worst Way Possible!

_Okay people I don't own Star Ocean or Mickey Mouse for that matter and I hope this is worth the type! I couldn't have done this without my buddy, Joshua! So I hope you all enjoy! _

"Ugh . . ." Welch moaned as sounds of the outside world entered her ears. She wanted to go back to sleep so bad though, for she just wanted to get away from all the chaos she had lately. She knew nothing could go wrong in her dreams, because Fayt did not send anything life threatening in them.

She felt a hand through her hair as she smiled pleasantly. She always wanted a dream where she could be at her true lover's side, where he would gently run his hand through her hair, embracing her close to him. This was the best dream ever to her, and she took advantage of it by wrapping her arms around him and pressing her head against his chest. Yet, why was his chest kind of . . . lumpy? As well as why did the hand she felt seemed . . . small?

As she came to the realization that this wasn't a big, strong, sexy man, her ears picked up a conversation in the background of her dreams. One of the voices was high-pitched and slightly squeaky, and the other one was a mid-tone feminine one, both arguing about something strange. Something . . . horribly strange.

"Tynave, can't you figure out why Clair is acting this way?" The squeaky voice spoke up.

"I don't know Farleen, but hopefully Welch will still be asleep by either the time Clair snaps out of it or we make her snap out of it."

"Well, let's get her off Welch before she finds out now . . ."

"How can we?"

_'Clair? Tynave? Farleen? They are here? Why? And who's stroking my hair?' _Welch thought before she fluttered her eyes open to get a good view of what's going on.

"Hello there, love. Have you had a good sleep, my princess?"

Welch yawned a little and looked up at Clair, smiling, "Uh, yeah, the best sleep I've had . . ."

Once she was fully awake, horror began to overwhelm her.

_'CLAIR? STROKING MY HAIR LOVINGLY INSTEAD OF A HOTT, SEXY GUY?' _

Eyes widening, Welch quickly glanced around the place, wondering if anything was missing. The swords were in place, the rabid monkeys were in their cages, the vial was full . . . WAIT!

Welch took a double glance at the vial, which she now knew was empty. What happened to the vial? Something must've happened when Clair, Tynave, and Farleen dropped in . . . wait . . .

"Clair, where did that vial go? It's a pink filled vial, and it's . . . well . . . in a vial."

In a very seductive tone, Clair responded, "Oh, that thing? I mixed it in with my coffee, my dear, sweet Welch. But if you really want a drink, I could give you one . . ."

"What the hell is wrong with . . ." Welch took a triple take at the empty vial, but she wondered why it disappeared. Glancing around, trying to find where the liquid went, she noticed something different. There was a second coffee mug next to the coffee pot. Welch knew she didn't drink out of two mugs . . . wait . . .

She NOW knew why inventing was technically illegal in Elicoor II. Everything becomes a nightmare.

Welch gave a great yelp as she pushed herself off Clair and jumped right over the desk as she yelled to the two girls.

"TYNAVE, FARLEEN! GET HER AWAY!"

"Sorry, Welch, but I'm having problems too! Tynave drank some of the coffee to investigate further and now she's gone crazy too!" In other words, Farleen was being tangled up in an affair with Tynave, who's been trying to French kiss her for the past five minutes. Yet she retreated for about twenty seconds to restrain Clair from having . . . well . . . something with Welch. In those twenty seconds, Welch grabbed her Mickey Mouse trademark stick glove and leapt right back over Clair onto the desk table. Sadly, Farleen sacrificed herself and ended up being dragged away by Tynave to have the time of her life.

Clair trying to grab hold of Welch's leg proved unsuccessful as Welch swung the Mickey glove stick at Clair yelling, "BACK . . . BACK! Ye . . . olde . . . well . . . um . . . uh you . . . ME OBSESSED PERVERT!"

As Welch attempted to poke the Mental-medication needed girl, Clair quickly snatched it away and threw it to the side, taking a sudden lunge towards Welch, landing right on top of her, ready for anything.

In the struggle Welch screamed in slow-mo, matrix style (with the deep voice included) and quickly opened her desk drawer to find a Tricky Tricky Duck Bomb. Gee what irony!

In a battle cry . . . or a cry for help, Welch threw the duck bomb (the duck was yelling, "MWAQUAHQUAHQUAH!" the whole time) at Clair's face. Bad move. Off in the distance . . .

"Mommy! The pretty colors are back again!" The same little girl back in chapter one tugged at her mother's dress in attempt to get her attention.

"Not now, Tina. Mommy's trying to buy some cream for her foot fungus."

"Aw . . ."

Back to the somehow non-affected guild . . .

Screaming, Welch tried to slip from Clair's grasp, for the poor attempt to explode her face off ended up in failure. After about ten minutes of "GET AWAY" and clothes ripping, Welch escaped from Clair's clutches, but with the consequence of a torn jumper at the hips.

Attempting to run out the door and to safety, Welch sprinted as fast as she could. Yet Clair's expert warrior skills were no match. Unsheathing eight knives at one time, she threw them at Welch with such deadly aim in attempt to pin her to the wall. Just barely did she miss, for Welch flew out the door like Speedy Gonzales, with the only loss of another piece of cloth missing from her jumper. Stopping in the street, she looked back and forth, hoping for a way out of this mess. Suddenly she spotted a red haired figure. To her, she only knew of one red-haired person in Paterny or Aquios for that matter.

"NEL!" She ran up to the young woman and pretty much squeezed the life out of her in happiness because Nel could be ray of light that gets rid of Clair.

"Ugh! Might I ask WHY you are hugging me?" Nel raised an eyebrow at the younger, naïve girl.

Blushing a little, Welch pulled away and spoke in a slightly nervous tone.

"I . . . Clair . . . well she is in love with me or something . . . she's gone crazy!"

"What do you want me to do about it?"

"Something! I mean I'm guessing after she drank the vial Fayt sent . . . hey! What do you know about the Aphrodite potion? And who's Aphrodite?"

Raising a brow, Nel responded, "Well . . . I do remember Fayt telling me Aphrodite was the Greek Goddess of Love on Earth, then I recall him telling me he was going to name the potion after her. Why?"

"HE SENT ME A DAMN LOVE POTION, THAT'S WHY, AS WELL AS SOMEONE ACCIDENTALLY DRANK IT!"

Nel's emerald eyes contracted to slits as she asked in a quieted voice, "Who?"

Just as she asked, the door slammed open with a love-entranced girl, eager to kiss Welch.

"OH WELCHY-POO! WHERE HAVE YOU GONE, MY LOVE? I MISSED YOU SO MUCH! COME GIVE SEXY CLAIR THE MOST PASSIONATE KISS WE EVER SHARED!"

For the first time in Nel's 23 years of experience in life, her eyes widened as large as UFO saucers. The type of UFO saucers that threaten to beat the living hell out of you in one blast. Anyways . . .

Welch backed up behind Nel shakily, "Apris help me, please tell me where that antidote is."

"I don't . . . know. I think I heard him say it should wear off . . . but I don't know how long that will take."

Hysterical, Welch screamed in desperateness, "WHERE'S FAYT?"

"Well, if you really wish to know, I saw him last riding the Diplo."

"THE WHAT?"

"The . . . Diiiiiiiiplooooooo. Or do I need to spell it?"

Narrowing her eyes, Welch responded, "How will I catch him?"

"Well, the only option you have is taking Crossell and Lovergirl over there and flying up to there. But I don't think Crossell will enjoy company such as you . . ."

Sighing, and knowing what she must do, she somehow managed to tie up Clair with chains and gags after three long unnecessary hours of tearing off pieces of clothing and screaming. She could pass for a peasant by now.

So the two girls traveled to the far reaches of Elicoor II (well just to Urssa Lava Caves) and somehow managed to survive the battles they had to face. Well, they only just ran away, nothing more, BUT with the expense of three foot long gashes and burns.

Eventually crawling on their bodies to the chamber of Crossell, the two women wondered what they should do at the moment. Welch thought up how to kick the living hell out of the dragon for building a dwelling in a place such as this, and Clair thought of how to ask Welch to marry her.

"SO, YOU MORTALS ALREADY BOWED FOR ME? SUCH LOVELY PEOPLE. NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Crossell boomed, stamping his foot on the ground.

Surprisingly Welch didn't pee herself, but maybe it was just because she was too angry and tired to even care. In fact she made one of the boldest moves in history for a scrawny girl her age.

"GIVE US RIDES TO THE DIPLO YOU ONE HELL OF AN UGLY LIZARD!"

Okay, you expect Crossell to be literally P.O.'d and he was going to shred both girls into little bacon bits to garnish his next meal. Right? Well, you guys are right that he was incredibly angry, but the two girls just weren't worth his time to kill. Too little meat on their bones anyways. So in great, heavy bucketfuls of sarcasm, Crossell spoke up once again.

"And who is this young lass who calls upon me with such a WONDERFUL attitude . . .?"

"I'll show you attitude in a moment," Welch murmured, the spoke up loudly, fighting sarcasm with sarcasm, "OH, you're incredible greatness, how I long thee to give thou a ride to the Diplo which is almighty but so much weaker than you my lord!"

OKAY, now you guys must think Crossell HAS TO KILL the two girls, right? Wrong. In fact he gave in, stretching his wings in defeat. Taking the girls by the teeth, he throws them on his back and leaps through the ceiling, taking flight. Little did Welch know the rubble loosened Clair's chains . . .

On the way to the Diplo, Welch sighed in relief. Everything was going fine, until she felt these hands wrapped around her. Wait . . . who could hug her? Clair was in chains . . . right?

Welch turned her head in horror as she saw Clair burrowing her face into Welch's back, eager to feel her body in her arms. She also started to slip off the remains of Welch's jumper as Welch began to scream bloody murder. Not knowing or caring how Clair escaped the gag and chains, Welch attempted to scramble away from the crazed, insane girl, trying not to lose her balance. Unfortunately, Welch slipped on the scales and fell on her face, giving Clair the perfect opportunity to rip her clothes off. Clair leaped on top of Welch as poor, young Welch grabbed Clair's arms with both hands, trying to keep her away.

Clair whispered seductively in Welch's ear, "We won't fall if you don't struggle."

"LIKE HELL I WON'T!"

By the time the two reached the Diplo, Welch was ready to give up and say the hell with everything. She had most of her clothes torn at shoulders, the stomach, and any other spot described before, as well as her hair was disheveled.

Welch, surprisingly with enough energy to run around angrily, leaped onto the ship, not caring about how it looked and how advanced it was. Seeing Maria walk up to her, but not noticing Fayt right behind, she screamed, "WHERE IS FAYT?"

Maria stepped to the side to show a very frightened Fayt and by the time Welch saw Fayt, she grabbed Clair forcefully and had thrust her at Fayt yelling, "HERE, CURE HER NOW!"

Only this time Clair wrenched herself away from Welch, stood against one of the railings, and held her head in confusion as she spoke, "Cure who? I don't need curing . . . and why am I here? And where's Tynave and Farleen?"

Welch looked over to Clair with an open mouth and started to cry hysterically, "OH, FORGET IT!"

None of the crew besides Welch knew whatever happened to Welch and why she was dressed a little too skimpy, but Fayt was kind enough to bring her back to the guild in Paterny and gave her a chocolate heart.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think that would happen . . . well I hope you do feel better," With that Fayt walked outside, leaving Welch to think.

_'At least he was kind enough to apologize and bring me home . . . hm, I just wanna rest right now . . .'_

Little did Welch realize when she sat down . . .

BOOM!

Face and body covered in ashes, Welch just realized she sat on the thong Clair, Tynave, Farleen meant to pick up. Whimpering she muttered, "Why do these things keep happening to me?"

In one last attempt to keep her sanity, she reached for her cup of coffee, but she soon realized it wasn't hers at all, and it was what was left in the guild until next month.

Tossing the mug over her shoulder and realizing she couldn't even have a cup of coffee without having it ruin her life, she began crying hysterically as she began banging her head against the desk, muttering, "Why . . . why . . . why . . . why . . ." after each bang.


End file.
